Decisions

So I've been seeing this guy. He's in the Navy. He's on a three-year rotation. Means he stays somewhere for three years-then goes somewhere else. He's been here two years. He has until next April.

I am developing some feelings for him. But I'm so, so scared. The idea of taking the kids away from Rich if I were to stay with him. Taking them away from their dad. And I don't know how Rich would handle being away from them either. I think they're the only thing keeping him even halfway out of trouble and keeping a job. He's so irresponsible. I can just imagine if I take them away, he'd waste away into nothing. He has no reason to do anything better without the kids. I worry about him still.

Then there's the idea of leaving mom and daddy. No more camping with the boys. No more going out on Grandaddy's boat. No more hanging out on Christmas and other holidays. Would we even be able to go home at Christmas? How would I handle that? How do I take the kids away from their grandparents and move them to where they have no one?? And then there's the whole idea that I woudl have no help with the kids. Oh yeah, I'd have Kenn himself, but he'd be working and deployable. Then what? And what about working? I have to find a new job every three years? After a couple of times doing that, who's going to hire me when they realize I move every three years??

I don't know. I'm so confused and stressed out over this. I like Kenn and I want to keep seeing him. At least for now. I know I have a year to let things fall together-or apart-but I'm so scared. I don't think I'd make a good military wife at all. The military wives I've known are strong. Not so much like me. Doing it alone-away from family and having to make new friends all the time...I just don't know if I can.